2014 New Year's Resolution January Update!

Oh boy, here we come again. At this time of the month I feel the temptation to dismiss resolutions as completely useless and energy draining.

This hasn't been the case for me, however.

Having concrete and simple resolutions for 2014 (as opposed to the vague ones in 2013) has really helped me in paying attention to them.

OK, enough of that. Let's start with this update!

Resolution #1: Calorie count everyday.

There are days I really don't like counting calories (i.e. days when I overeat) but I have been somewhat consistent in this! I have counted calories more days than I have not.

In fact, for the month of January, there have been only a handful of days where I didn't count calories. I know, there is room for improvement but I can't help but to be happy over this improvement!

As a side effect of this, I'm happy to report that I've lost 3 pounds!

Resolution #2: Spend 30 minutes a week cleaning my room.

This is another area where I've seen huge improvements!

For the most part, I have been doing my room cleaning! I don't always do 30 minutes (this week for example, I did close to 20 minutes) but my room is much more cleaner as a result of this!

I have also put it in my schedule when to clean my room. It is on Mondays afternoons.

Resolution #3: Update my blog twice a week.

OK, in retrospect, I should have written ONCE a week! What was I thinking?...

Anyways, It's been really difficult to update my blog twice a week. That is my ideal, as I really believe it will help me and this blog (and perhaps, dare I say, other people who might read it?).

Updating my blog can be challenging. I don't have internet at my house, and it means getting out to a coffee shop to connect on the internet.

I'm not going to update my blog over my phone so don't even think about it...

I'm a missionary with a part time job and a part time student, and so incredibly busy!

We will see, maybe I'll find creative ways to update my blog twice a week.

That's it for this month, see you next!

Still Struggling with Loneliness...

Back in October I wrote a post about my struggles with loneliness and how God was calling me into a time of solitude.

I felt that maybe I found the solution to an issue that's been haunting me ever since I've moved to Oakland: Loneliness.

I wish I can come and tell you how I never feel lonely anymore, how I got it all figured it out. But that would be a lie.

This is the current state of things: I still feel lonely and yet I have found ways to get used to that loneliness.

Yes, I still have solitude time.

Yes, it is still uncomfortable, but somehow manageable.

The question that I keep asking myself is this: is this sense of loneliness a sign of my lack of maturity or is it a sign that God created me to be in community?

I had the chance in December to live in a friend's house who was out in vacation for a couple of weeks. A friend of mine was still living in my friend's house, and so I was hardly alone.

Needless to say the old sense of loneliness left me, and the thought of coming back home from work gave me joy instead of the old familiar dread.

I realized also how it was more about simply accompaniment than anything else. I didn't even need to talk to my friend. Just to know he was physically there it was all that was needed.

I usually retreated to my old stuff: reading, relaxing, watching a movie. Many times we talked and hanged out, many times we retreated to do our own.

But I never felt lonely.

I had lots of solitude time, but usually not a lot of times where I felt lonely.

I still don't know what to make of this experience. I won't lie, I'm hoping and praying my living situation changes soon.

Something invaluable I have gained from this experience however, is the sense of connectedness, empathy and understanding I have with my immigrants sisters and brothers. I now know and understand the sense of loneliness that haunts them as they come alone into this country.

Perhaps this is one of the lessons I need to learn.

Feeling Discouraged...

I woke up early one morning, when the sun was barely making its warm presence known, with a heavy feeling of urgency and anxiety.

My heart was beating fast. My breathing hard and elaborate.

Along with this awful feeling I felt a sense of discouragement, almost as if a voice kept repeating itself my past mistakes; the areas I always come short, bringing a kind reminder that felt true: no matter how many times you try, you never seem to change.

Lacking lucidity of mind at that early hour, I was unable to fight off the thoughts and the anxiety it produced.

It felt true, and this feeling didn't leave me for quite a few days.

I started to feel hopeless.

I know now that I was exaggerating. I know that my anxiety had a lot to do with this.

I know and recognize that God has made me grow a lot in the past couple of years. But looking ahead, to that ideal horizon, I quickly feel hopeless at the seemingly endless track there is yet to traverse.

The most discouraging thing about all of this, however, is that the voice I heard that morning isn't 100% wrong. There is a grain of truth to it.

I lack discipline, consistency and persistence.

There are countless projects I always start and, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I don't finish almost all of them.

It is not for my lack of trying, for I wouldn't start any project without the slightest hope of finishing it.

I try and try, and I get distracted and sidetracked.

There are many things I want to grow in this year, but there is still an overwhelming sense of hopelessness in me.

That voice is still reminding me how undisciplined, inconsistent and impersistent I am.

Do you really think this time it will be different? How many times have you tried and failed? Sure you keep at it for a couple of weeks, maybe some months, and then it dies. Don't go on fooling yourself!

There is a grain of truth in this, and it is wise to remember this.

But it's only a grain of truth.

It is true that I usually leave many projects unfinished, but it is also true than in my trying and trying there is true growth, and the trying and trying is persistence in itself.

There is reason to be concerned and to pay attention to the things that sidetrack us and distract us, but there is reason to rejoice as well!

I look behind and see how far I've come, and while I'm sure there are many more embarrassing tripping and falling ahead of me, I am a more mature person now than I was a year ago.

What this voice is neglecting to say to me, and to all of us when we hear it, is that Christ is truly, uniquely and resolutely for us, and none of His creatures are a hopeless case.

New Year's Resolutions December Update with 2014 Resolutions!

It's been a whole year. Finally. In this post I will look back on this whole year within the context of my resolutions and reflect and learn from the successes (few) and mistakes (lots) I made in my resolutions from 2013.

So wait, what were they again? Okay, here were my 3 resolutions for 2013:

Resolution #1 Achieve my ideal weight.

Obviously, this didn't happen. If anything it was a bad year for weight loss. It was more like a scary roller coaster ride, with lots of ups and down.

I think I know part of the mistake I made in this resolution. "Achieving your ideal weight" is too vague and not specific enough to be pursued.

The better question to be asked is not what I want, which is achieve my ideal weight, but rather what must I do to do that, which I will answer in my resolutions for 2014!

Resolution #2 Keep my room clean, year long.

Another area where I failed miserably and I think the same mistake applies as above. Too vague and not specific enough.

Yes, I do want my room clean, but what steps do I need to take in order to keep it clean?

Resolution #3 Update my blog regularly, minimum once a week.

I did much better on this resolution. It is no surprise now that part of the reason of why I did so well was because it was a specific resolution.

There is something to be learned here.

Resolutions for 2014!

2013 is gone and many lessons were learned. With that in mind I'm ready to share my resolutions for 2014!

Resolution #1 Calorie count everyday: I want to lose weight, but calorie counting can be a powerful tool I can use for weight loss. So instead of having the big bright and ideal goal of achieving my ideal weight, dividing that goal into little pieces and focusing on them can be immensely helpful!

Resolution #2 Spend 30 minutes a week cleaning my room: The same logic as above applies here. If I can manage on cleaning my room for 30 minutes a week then I can probably achieve the ideal goal of keeping my room clean.

Resolution #3 Update my blog twice a week: don't fix what isn't broken. This resolution helped me a lot in keeping this blog somewhat updated. Here is hoping I do even better this year.

What are your New Year's Resolutions? Do you even make resolutions? Why or why not?

New Year's Resolutions November Update!

It's the most wonderful time of the year. At least it is one of the most busy times of the year.

This post comes almost a month late, and right before 2013 comes to a close, I find it appropriate (if tragically late) to update my New Year's Resolution.

I have stuck with this for almost a year! Unfortunately, as the year is coming to a close, it hasn't been a consistent ride.

But enough of that! Let's review my New Year's Resolutions for the month of November.

Resolution #1: Achieve my ideal weight.

It hasn't been that great of a month. At least what I can remember from this month (remember, I'm writing this a month too late). I have found difficulty finding, or better said making, time to exercise.

I usually start work at 9 AM and get off at 5 PM. By the time I'm off it's already dark, and I feel uneasy about going out and exercise. My neighborhood is not safe. If anything it is infamously unsafe.

Going out at that hour by yourself and for a long period of time is not only unwise, but borderline insanity.

Of course, I have the option of waking up early enough to do some exercise before going to work. I know that seems like a wise option. But I'm sleeping okay?! Enough said.

Resolution #2: Keep my room clean, year long.

There was a point around mid-November that I got tired of my messy room, and I said to myself "enough is enough!". I proposed that I'd spend at least 30 minutes cleaning my room, and be done with it for goodness sake.

Unfortunately, the time came to clean it, and I spent close to 20 minutes cleaning it. Being overwhelmingly happy about the progress I decided to stop.

Of course, the room wasn't completely unmessy at that time, and has remained so for the rest of the month.

Resolution #3: Update my blog regularly, minimum once a week.

Seriously? Whoever thought of that resolution! Turns out that updating your blog demands some serious work. Who knew?

Anyways, I am glad I made this resolution, in spite of the fact that I failed miserably for the month of November.

I am glad because this blog has been updated with more regularity than before, and that, my friends, is progress. Trying to remain positive here.

Well friends. It is dark outside. I'm almost ready for my New Year's party. The city lights are dimly shining outside my windows. It is time to go for now.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Church should be a Hospital

[Mar 2:16-17 ESV] 16 And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" 17 And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."

I believe that we as Christians, as "little Christs" and followers of Him, we are to model Him, not only in His vision of ministry, but also in His attitudes toward sinners.

My heart is warmed when I read this passage, as I see Jesus' spending His precious and valuable time eating with sinners and tax collectors, what people considered the "scum of the earth" in those days.

Eating, in Jesus' time, was more than just eating food. It was a time to share food, ideas, experiences and simply life.

Eating was communal. Jesus was making community with sinners.

Think about it. He could have chosen to make community with the elite; the religious leaders, those in positions of authority in the roman world, and yet he chooses to spend his precious time and beautiful presence with sinners.

This blows my mind.

What also blows my mind is how different the church can be from Jesus.

I have observed and heard from many an attitude from churchgoers that mirrors more the Pharisees' than it does Jesus'

I look at my parish and wonder, if a smelly, homeless, drug addict walked in to church, would he feel welcome? Would people sit next to him or her? Would they try to keep their kids away from that person?

If a transgender individual walked in, would he feel welcomed and loved?

If someone suffering from alcoholism walked in, still with a hangover, would he or she feel welcomed and loved?

When I walk in my church, I wonder, "where are the homeless, the drug addicts, the prostitutes and pimps? Where are the drug dealers and the gangsters?"

Are our churches devoid of such people because the so called "sinners" are uninterested about God?

Or is it because they don't feel welcomed and loved?

Sure, we can shortcut to the first option, but I believe all of us have a hunger for God, for our hearts are restlessly yearning for its creator until they rest in Him.

I believe they don't usually come because they don't feel loved and accepted.

The church should be looking for the sinners. If Christ is our redemptor, if He truly is our savior, then our main interest should be sinners.

If the church (and I talk here not of the institution or a building, but of the community of believers, the mystical body of Christ) is like a hospital, then it should be filled with sick people.

But we can be so busy criticizing the sick that we forget that Christ is our cure! What a dysfunctional hospital we can be! A hospital full of doctors so busy criticizing and commenting and complaining about the sick and yet refusing to take care of them!

And when we do "take care of them" is usually so unChrist like. We Bible thump and call to repentance, we quote scriptures and point fingers. We remind them of their "shameful" sins and worldliness and their need to just "repent and change".

But we don't see this in Christ dealing with sinners. He had community with them.

The Bible tells us that He ate with sinners, not used-to-be-and-now-converted-sinners, meaning He never waited for them to repent before making community with them. He simply accepted them into His presence before they even repented! How opposite is that from what many of us do!

No brothers and sisters, it is in community that mutual repentance must come, not apart from community.

And before we can have community we must accept each other into our collective presence.

Community comes first, repentance and change as a result from community with Christ and His body.

We have it twisted. We demand that sinners repent and get "sanitized" enough before they are accepted into our community.

Brothers and sisters, let us fill our churches and our communities with the sinners the world most hate; the rejected, the drunk and the hungover.

Let us hold the hand of the drug addict on the streets, even if his or her other hands is still busy injecting their bodies with drugs.

Let us not just give food to the poor, but also sit down in the same table with them, eating the same food we give them while we share our life with them.

Let us go and make community with  the one prostituting their body on the street, even as they wait for their next "client".

Let's go and eat with sinners again, just as Jesus did. Maybe in the end we will realize we are just sinners like them.                                                                                                                              

New Year's Resolutions October Update!

What a month! I've been recently occupied with retreats, backpacking trip, and the much needed restful collapse.

The fall colors are in full bloom, with reds, yellows and browns sporadically glazing over the vast green. It is a beautiful time of the year, the in betweeness of summer and winter leaving us with unpredictable weather.

But enough of that! Let's jump into my New Year's Resolutions...

Resolution #1: Achieve my ideal weight.

So my first backpacking trip really helped with this resolution. We hiked for 10 miles and drank lots of water.

It was a beautiful, uncomfortable, and great experience!

Earlier on November (I know, I know, this is an October update, but I still want to share this. So to all the over-technical pharisees: please indulge me) I started a juice fast! I was originally shooting for 7 days, but I only managed 4 days and a half.

The first day was absolutely horrible. Headaches, nausea, weakness. Second day I woke up with migraines that lasted till late afternoon.

Third day was much better. I felt more clearly headed. I didn't feel as hungry as I did the first day.

Fourth day was equally good. And then the fifth day...

The migraines returned. I felt weaker and weaker. Light headed and nauseous. After three juices at 12 PM, things only got worse.

I felt the world turned upside down. Cold sweats, shaking. Darkness slowly covering my vision. I looked at my shaking hands and they looked pale, and then, I got scared.

I had to break the fast early. I ate two oatmeal cookies and felt almost instantly better.

I guess I have to be extra careful with fasts when I'm diabetic.

I wish I had weighed myself at the beginning of the month to see how much weight I lost, but I can say that I did lose weight. People have made comments on how "skinnier" I looked.

Resolution #2: Keep my room clean, year long.

I have been trying to go back to my old trick of cleaning up my room for short intervals of time every day, making the dreaded task more bearable.

While my room looks a bit better because of this feeble attempt, it still is a long way from being clean.

Part of this is my lack of consistency, as I find myself doing other things.

Resolution #3: Update my blog regularly, minimum once a week.

It has been almost a month since I last updated this blog. True, I have been more busy as of late, but whenever I made time for writing I took off for more entertaining and less mind demanding experiences.

But I have some things brewing inside my mind and heart that I want to share with all of you soon, so stay tuned!