Monday, December 19, 2011

Hitting the Wall

Members of InnerCHANGE tell me that what I'm going through is expected. After 3 months in the ministry, many of us experience some sort of emotional meltdown.
What am I doing here? Where are the fruits of my labor? Why aren't more kids coming to our Bible study? Why won't they take me seriously?

Sometimes it feels like I'm wasting my time. Sometimes it feels like I'm taken for granted. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares.

"Me, me, me." It's all about me it seems. In these times it is easy to forget why I'm really here.

I'm called not to please people, to live in conformity where conflict is rare. I'm called not to have thousands of followers and disciples, where the youth is always nodding at my every word. I'm called not to impress people with my fruits, showing them in full display to finally silence those cynical and unbelieving voices.

I'm simply called to follow my vocation faithfully.

I'm simply called to seek first the Kingdom of God  and His righteousness. 

I'm simply called to leave everything in His hands and trust that He is in control.

I realize that what God is asking of me is not easy, but it is simple. I tend to complicate things, over think them, trying to decipher the secret code to ministry, solving complicated equations where the answers to all of my questions are finally answered.

How easy I forget that I'm simply the pen and not the author.

Photo Credit: r. f. m II.

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