This Week in Ministry (12/02/12)

 



Today I want to introduce This Week in Ministry, a weekly feature in my blog where I will briefly share 5 things from the ministry in East Oakland.











1. Part of my ministry is to connect the Central American youth with the local parish, St. Elizabeth. I have started to attend Mass here, and even participate in the many ministries in the parish. Apparently, I'm officially a "Lay Minister" in the parish.

2. I started to play soccer with some of my team members, where we have connected with many Central American youth! This has reminded me of two things: how much I love soccer and how much I suck at it. Please pray for some miraculous improvement of skills!

3. One of my main goals this year is to connect with the youth group at St. Elizabeth. I'm now officially part of the youth group choir! I play the guitar and sing.

4. I'm also part of the Christmas play that the youth group is preparing! I'll be a wise man, apparently my youth and lack of wisdom weren't reasons enough to keep me from it :)

5. I saw a youth in Oakland that I was visiting for a month at juvenile hall during my ministry in San Francisco! I was very surprised to see him and he seemed very pleased to see me outside of the context of juvenile hall! It's great to see how these two ministries connect.



That's it for this week. See you next.

Moving away from "I failed"...

"So what's God been teaching you lately?" A friend asked me recently.

I thought about this for a few seconds, and then I remembered something I heard when I was praying when I was working.

I was working the graveyard shift at Pacifica, and I was feeling tired and miserable.

The manager had called me earlier, changing my schedule once again. "I think it would better for you if you work Wednesday and Thursday" she said. Those are the only two days that I have for ministry. "I can't, I have other commitments".

This was the third time that she changes my schedule.

"Oh you and your commitments!" she answered with frustration. "Jose, I thought this was going to work with you living far away and everything, but if you can't work those nights then I'm gonna have to let you go".

And so I was working that night, with the familiar feeling of failure looming over me. I checked the schedule, and I wasn't there anymore.

It wasn't just this event that was carrying the feeling, which any sane person would think me mostly blameless.

It was the scolding that I would get from her almost every time she saw me. How I forgot to do this and that, how I wasn't doing "anything" and so on and on...

She did know, however, that many times I stayed working up to 40 minutes without pay, trying to finish all the tasks that were required. I was new and my work rhythm wasn't yet developed.

I thought the reason that she changed my schedule and ultimately took me off the schedule was because she was dissatisfied with my job and wanted to fire me in a passive aggressive manner.

"I failed" I told God that night, tears welling up in my eyes "I'm sorry".

"No you didn't fail" I heard back. "I put you in this job for a reason, to grow in it, and you will be here as long as I want you to. You have grown because of this job."

It's true, I have grown a lot because of this job.

Did I make mistakes? Yes. Could I have done things better? Yes. But I am a better worker thanks to this job, and maybe that was God's purpose in putting me there.

They didn't fire me that day, as I continued to work after that, until I quit a couple of days ago, having received more hours at my job in Oakland.

We are an "end result" oriented people. We tend to look at the end result and judge the whole process accordingly.

Sometimes our extreme pragmatism, our "whatever works" mentality makes us do things unethically, overriding the common clichéd saying of "the end doesn't justify the means".

But maybe God sees things differently. Maybe he sees our experiences as what they are, even if the end result wasn't what we wanted. Maybe it is the growing that comes from "failing" that really matters.

I am learning to move away from "I failed". I don't longer feel that I failed with my job at Pacifica.

How about my year at San Francisco? I have to be honest, it's still too fresh and still see myself like I failed.

But I know I'm slowly moving away from that.

That's what God has been teaching me lately.

Photo Credit: Marcie Casas.

Hiding Behind Your Personality Type

This is difficult.

There are so many areas that I need to grow in that I don't even know where to start.

As I shared in my last post, maturity doesn't come naturally, and our flesh fights against it. And fight it does, with everything it has, and it won't let you win as easily as you thought.

It seems that my personality type is also "fighting" against me. As an ENFP, they tell me that I regard routine tasks as unimportant and mundane, and that I have a problem following through commitments, which doesn't really make the most productive worker.

It would be so much easier for me to hide behind my personality type and say "You see! This is how I am and I have no fault in it"

Many of us do this. I have done it many times. "This is the way God created me" we even dare to say as an excuse to not change.

As I was applying to my job at Pacifica, there was a long questionnaire that I needed to fill out that would reveal a lot of my personality, to see how good a fit I am to the job.

A couple of days after filling out the application, I called the manager of the store to see how things are going.

"Jose" she said "I received your application and you got a really low score...in fact your score is the lowest of anyone who has ever applied here...your score is of 60%".

I remained silent, not knowing what to say. I felt as if reality was hitting me mercilessly in the face, and I felt that familiar sense in me, shame of who I am. It didn't help that I could hear the cashier and future coworker (presumably next to the manager as she was talking to me) giggling as she said this. That familiar sense of almost belonging, but not really, because I wasn't good enough...

The manager then proceeded to name the weaknesses that the test revealed "it says here that you have problems following through your commitments, that you are only organized when you have to, that you let your emotions affect your work..."

And then she proceeded to my strengths "You like team work, you are happy when others succeed..."

Yeah, a really nice and lazy guy, I thought. Way to go Jose.

All the wounds seemed to resurface at this point. All the people that told me "When are you finally going to grow up?!". I felt the sting of every word. I remained silent again.

It would be so much easier to hide behind these feelings and wounds.It would be so much easier to hide and simply accept my weaknesses as God given, and grow sour and depressed from all the wounding.

God created us beautifully. It is true that our personality types come with weaknesses, but it is also true that it is part of God's plan to share His divine nature with us, so we can grow into the image of His son.

He will only share of Himself as we allow Him to, gently pushing us to open even more areas of ourselves, until He consumes all. This beautiful union doesn't destroy us, creating cookie cutter versions of Him.

It completes us. We remain completely ourselves as we are completely His.

This is the mystery of the wedding of our Beloved with His Church.

Photo Credit: hang_in_there.

Introducing Blog Changes

Things have changed. I just completed my Apprenticeship in San Francisco and for my novitiate I'm going to be in Oakland. The ministry has changed as well.

I'm going to be working with the immigrant youth in East Oakland, trying to connect them with the local parish.

The focus of this blog will change as well. It's focus will be in the struggles that we can go through in our maturing in Christ.

For the longest time I simply assumed that maturity came naturally. My hair grows naturally into some unidentifiable mess, and no matter how much I protest against its disposition to chaos, every morning it greets me with an even longer defiance.

Not so with character maturity.

The year in San Francisco helped me realize that there has to be some dramatic changes in my character if I am to continue serving God the way He calls me to.

I realize that I have to give glory to God in everything that I do. Am I giving glory to God in the way I conduct everyday business? With the words I say? With the way I cut corners in many things that I do?

To help me do this I decided to move into my own space in East Oakland. My room will be like my little kingdom, and how I deal with it should portray part of my character growth.

I also got a job. Two jobs actually.

One is in Oakland, the other in Pacifica. One is in a rough neighborhood, the other in a tranquil area right next to the beach. I couldn't find a more dramatic contrast.

Both jobs are as a cashier in a gas station.

One day the streets were filled with police cars and a Swat team truck right across  the gas station in Oakland. Not too long ago I saw a Lamborghini parked at the one in Pacifica.

The demands from management are also different. Pacifica is very strict with the way one deals with everyday task, writing down every single maintenance task that one does in the station. The one in Oakland is more loose. Sometimes we count cigarettes, most of the time we don't.

I believe that God has given me these jobs as training grounds.

When I was fired from my last job as a janitor, my confidence as worker went down considerably. As I took these jobs I felt a sense of insecurity. I hope I don't screw this up again.

I feel God leading me gently, telling me you have what it takes.

My everyday prayer as I go to work now is God, help me not to cut corners, not today, not never.

Are you going to cut corners in Oakland, even though management is not over your shoulders constantly?

God has purpose for everything. When I felt God whispering these words to me, I decided not to cut corners, even in Oakland. It wasn't easy. Doing all the tasks meant getting off one hour later than I should. But it felt good.

Maturity is a battle, and it comes to you in everyday tasks, even the most simple ones. It is intentional, and our flesh fights against it. I'm going to screw this one up it tells me. The voice of truth keeps telling me you have what it takes.

Photo Credit: Nicholas_T.

Called for...Suffering?

"For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly...For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps." (1 Peter 2:19,21 ESV)


 "And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23 ESV)


One of the most difficult things one can do is follow one's vocation. Being a follower of Jesus can be anything but attracting or appealing to our fleshly senses.


The first Scripture, taken from 1 Peter, tells us that not only are we to endure suffering unjustly, but goes one step further and tells us that we are called to endure suffering unjustly.


The Greek word used here for "called" is the same one that Jesus used to call His disciples to follow Him.


"God doesn't want anyone to suffer" many people tell me, as my road with God can get difficult and painful. Maybe it is the case that He doesn't desire anyone to suffer, but He does calls us to follow Jesus' example of suffering.


Don't believe the prosperity gospel that is constantly preached in the media. Follow Jesus and everything will be better. All your questions will be answered. Everything will be bright and beautiful.


Right.


As the second Scripture tells us, if we wish to follow Jesus, we need to deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily and follow Him.


Cross, as understood in a first century context, is a symbol of death. The disciples understood clearly what Jesus meant when He talked about taking up a cross.


A cross was not a romantic or religious symbol. It was an instrument of torture and death.


God doesn't promise us that we are going to be happy. He doesn't even promise a happy ending in this life.


But He promises His Peace and Joy.


" Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice" (Phillippians 4:4 ESV).


"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us" (Romans 8:18 ESV).


Photo Credit: Baron Brian.

Looking for Connections

One cold night not too long ago, I was walking on Mission Street. I was on a hurry, trying to get back home before 7pm.

It was a Thursday night and I was getting ready for the Bible Study.

And then I collided with two young men. Their attire suggested that they were gang members. I simply said sorry and tried to move on.

They kept cussing at me, clearly pissed off that I had disrespected their space. Not looking for trouble, I just kept walking.

I feel God is calling me to make new connections with gang members, hopefully ones more productive than the one just described.

The Thursday night Bible Study is not attracting new members, as the old connections were lost and the ones who attend have simply moved on.

New connections are needed in order to invite more people to the Bible study. But how do you go about doing this? I can't simply walk up to a gang member on the street, greet him or her and ask "can I be your friend?"

Clueless in how to proceed and trusting in God's providence and guidance, a team member and I have wandered the streets of the Mission District, wearing our prison ministry uniform, and hoping that by being simply available we can one day make a connection.

There is some fruits to our apparent aimless approach. We met one OG one afternoon. We are connecting with one program that works with the same population that we work with.

I'm pretty excited about the future of this ministry. I know that God is already opening doors and making new connections. He is already working behind the scenes.

God can bless our meager and feeble efforts. Sometimes we have to proceed to do His work, even if we are not sure how to do it.

Photo Credit: Patrick McCully.

Hitting the Wall

Members of InnerCHANGE tell me that what I'm going through is expected. After 3 months in the ministry, many of us experience some sort of emotional meltdown.

What am I doing here? Where are the fruits of my labor? Why aren't more kids coming to our Bible study? Why won't they take me seriously?

Sometimes it feels like I'm wasting my time. Sometimes it feels like I'm taken for granted. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares.

"Me, me, me." It's all about me it seems. In these times it is easy to forget why I'm really here.

I'm called not to please people, to live in conformity where conflict is rare. I'm called not to have thousands of followers and disciples, where the youth is always nodding at my every word. I'm called not to impress people with my fruits, showing them in full display to finally silence those cynical and unbelieving voices.

I'm simply called to follow my vocation faithfully.

I'm simply called to seek first the Kingdom of God  and His righteousness. 

I'm simply called to leave everything in His hands and trust that He is in control.

I realize that what God is asking of me is not easy, but it is simple. I tend to complicate things, over think them, trying to decipher the secret code to ministry, solving complicated equations where the answers to all of my questions are finally answered.

How easy I forget that I'm simply the pen and not the author.

Photo Credit: r. f. m II.