Simplicity

 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” Mathew 8:20 ESV.

 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Mathew 6:19-21 ESV.

When I told my mom that I wanted to lead a life of simplicity, I don't think she was very pleased.

"How can you lead a life of simplicity if you always liked good stuffs?" she asked me bewildered.

And she had a point. I love good stuffs, perhaps as much as everybody else. I love my tech gadgets, I love my TVs and movies.

In my novitiate commitment ceremony with InnerCHANGE, where Simplicity is one of the 7 seven commitments that we take, my mom was crying, saying "if this is the life that you want and choose for yourself, then I support you".

I have a nasty past with money. When my mom told me that I like good stuffs she was making a gross understatement. I love good stuffs.

Even though I never really made large amount of money, I always spent disproportionate amount of it in crap that I liked and never really needed.

I accumulated and accumulated, even in my poverty. You see, greediness and the storing up of treasures has little to do with how much money you make.

My desire to go to college was to get a comfortable job that could enable me to get a big house in the suburbs, a nice comfortable car, and endless gadgets to satisfy all my geeky needs.

And then something happened, a call from God that called to an even deeper desire, a desire long forgotten and buried so deeply in my other superficial desires, that it was necessary for God to slowly uncover it, polish it, and bring it to the surface.

This is the desire to be more like Him.

I'm not saying that in order to be like Him we need to be poor. But I believe that if we are focused on our personal prosperity, and that is the goal and focus of much of what we do, then we are running in opposite direction of the gospel.

Jesus, the son of God, told a scribe that wanted to follow Him that even though foxes and birds have a place to live in, He, because of His mission on this earth, didn't have one.

He was basically telling the scribe "are you willing to lose all your prestige and power, your possessions and social standing, in order to become my disciple?"

Granted, not all of us can be apostles or teachers or prophets. All of us have a place in the kingdom. Even millionaires, investors and businessmen.

But all of us are called to be like Him, and to be like Him is denying ourselves of what we fancy as entitlements. Our pursuit is not happiness, wealth and comfort. As disciples, our pursuit is Jesus. Everything else is secondary, even country and law.

I still struggle with money. My love for good stuffs still overrides my commitment to simplicity. But I'm glad that He is patient with me, as He guides me in my stubbornness.

So I'm not writing from a place of experience or moral authority but a place of personal struggle. I'm writing from a place of countless personal failings in this area.

But more importantly, I'm also writing from a place of desire to be more like Him, no matter how far away I am from that goal.

Hitting the Wall

Members of InnerCHANGE tell me that what I'm going through is expected. After 3 months in the ministry, many of us experience some sort of emotional meltdown.

What am I doing here? Where are the fruits of my labor? Why aren't more kids coming to our Bible study? Why won't they take me seriously?

Sometimes it feels like I'm wasting my time. Sometimes it feels like I'm taken for granted. Sometimes I feel like nobody cares.

"Me, me, me." It's all about me it seems. In these times it is easy to forget why I'm really here.

I'm called not to please people, to live in conformity where conflict is rare. I'm called not to have thousands of followers and disciples, where the youth is always nodding at my every word. I'm called not to impress people with my fruits, showing them in full display to finally silence those cynical and unbelieving voices.

I'm simply called to follow my vocation faithfully.

I'm simply called to seek first the Kingdom of God  and His righteousness. 

I'm simply called to leave everything in His hands and trust that He is in control.

I realize that what God is asking of me is not easy, but it is simple. I tend to complicate things, over think them, trying to decipher the secret code to ministry, solving complicated equations where the answers to all of my questions are finally answered.

How easy I forget that I'm simply the pen and not the author.

Photo Credit: r. f. m II.

Waiting for My Next Big Step in My Life...

What is it about waiting that is so difficult? Why is it that most of the time we rather just not wait?

Could it be that waiting can be a personal limbo? Maybe waiting can force us to stay in idleness? Or maybe that we lose control while we wait?

Whatever the reason, I'm finding it really difficult to wait before taking my next big step in my life.

I applied with the missionary order InnerCHANGE, and thank God, they accepted me!

When I heard the news I was very excited, literally dancing in my steps.

I also got a new a job that fits almost perfectly with my schedule with the order.

But I can't move in with them until mid-September, and the wait is getting difficult. It is not simply a childish desperation to move to the next stage of my life. The difficulty can get heavy at times, sorrowful even.

I moved in with my aunts and uncles in Daly City in August because is closer to my new job. This is (I think) the third time that I move the past year.

While I'm training at my job (a one month training) I can't do much  ministry because of the schedule. I train for one hour every weekday at night.

I really don't feel comfortable where I am. Not because my family here is not welcoming, which they are. It just doesn't feel like home. It doesn't feel like I'm doing much either, just living one day at a time.

I guess moving around and being surrounded by this instability can have its toll on you. But is that all there is to this feeling of sorrow?

Ever since my summer internship ended with this order I have been feeling very nostalgic. Nostalgic about the experiences lived in it, nostalgic about Oakland, nostalgic about many things.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm entering some sort of mild depression. I wonder if there is more to it than just the simple fact that I'm waiting and there's not much I can do about it. Have I lost my peace? I don't think so. But there is still some heaviness about this period.

I'm very excited about my future, however, and I can't wait to see what's ahead of me. I genuinely feel called to this order.

So all I can do is wait. And also pray.


Photo Credit: red twolips.

Oakland Catholic Worker House

This is my second month in Oakland. The ministry opportunities for this city are numerous, so much so that it can get overwhelming. The harvest is ripe in this ministry field.

One ministry opportunity we were fortunate to connect with is the Oakland Catholic Worker House. They offer hot meals to anyone who knocks on their doors, and shelter to many Latin American Immigrants.

After coming one afternoon to OCW during a prayer walk in East Oakland, we promised that we would return some other day to volunteer. We met many of the volunteers, including Lee (if you're reading this, am I spelling your name right?) who was staying there for the summer.

So we came back this past week the day before Lee was leaving (great timing!). We helped with the cleaning and attending the doorbell, which normally signaled that someone is looking for a meal.

I was amazed by the amount of meals served at that place, and how one volunteer was expected to carry out the whole operation by herself.

After the kitchen was closed and the cleaning was done, Lee and I talked for a while about our lives and ministry. She is a theologian student and hopes to finish her Master degree soon. I told her about the ministry with Comunidad San Dimas and she seemed really interested in it.

"Well, maybe you can come next year as a summer intern to try it out" I told her. She said she would think about it.

Before saying good bye, knowing that I will probably not see her again, at least not anytime soon, I told her, "See you next year!". "Ha!" she responded while laughing. "I hope you are not a prophet".

We will see.

Doors being Opened in Oakland

I think I'm starting to like this place. Today marked my second day working as an intern for InnerCHANGE in Oakland, and it was a hectic, at times tedious, and yet satisfying day.

We started off the day with mass, going to the beautiful parish of St. Elizabeth. We had the opportunity to listen to a passionate preacher, Father Martin. His message of forgiveness as an important aspect in working toward justice with the poor was not only touching, but fitting to my experience.

I introduced myself to Fr. Martin, telling him my involvement with a missionary order for the summer, and that I was looking for a parish and for some ministry opportunities. He welcomed me warmly, and instructed me to come back to the parish office for more instructions.

After mass, our little group of three (my leader, her fiancee and me) went to one of the leader's house for morning prayer. After prayer and lunch we went grocery shopping and found ourselves burdened with unforgiving loads of bags, walking for one mile to get home.

We walked approximately 5 miles in our little adventure.

Arriving at the house, we didn't even bother with putting the groceries inside the fridge, but we were automatically led to the couch, where the three of us crashed simultaneously. 

Minutes later we awoke from our improvised nap and headed out to the parish office. We had a meeting with Fr. Martin where we shared our work with InnerCHANGE and our desire to connect in some way or another with the parish.

We talked about gangs. He shared how the parish High School is unfortunately known as a Chilli Peppers gang (not actual name of the gang, of course). He told us of the multiple ministries opportunities available in the parish, and that if we wanted to work on something specific he is open to listen about it.

He also told us of the charismatic nature of the parish (yay!) and of the two youth groups available at church.

We went out from our meeting rejoicing for the door God was clearly opening for us. "It's a Chilli Peppers High School!" I absurdly said with joy to the group. As I did this I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit stirring in me. I feel this is a great ministry opportunity and I'm excited to see how God will develop it.

It is unfortunate that these streets are filled with violence and tragedy. The stains of poverty are clearly seen in the colorful garments that these streets wear. The poignant faces of  frustration and struggle are looking at us from every corner.

But there is also great joy in these streets. Openness and friendship meets our gazing eyes almost everywhere. There is the hope of an open field, where the seed of the gospel is being planted by many. Its fruits are clearly seen with the eyes of faith.

Photo Credit: jdnx.