A chat on the bus with an Atheist...

It was a beautiful afternoon in Concord, CA. The imposing sun radiating, its warm rays hued in golden painted the atmosphere, giving life all around it, and erasing the memories of the gray, rainy, cold winter. I was walking out of the movie theater in downtown, went for a walk to a bookstore, and bought the book "The Collar, A Year Inside a Catholic Seminary" by Jonathan Englert. Enjoying the beautiful afternoon with a walk through downtown, I finally arrived to the bus stop at the BART station. Next to me was young person. Latino, around 5 feet and 9 inches. His hair was neatly combed backwards, casually dressed, but surprisingly presentable. I opened my new book and started reading the introduction. He looked at me, then at the book title and read it aloud "a year inside a Catholic Seminary" said he with an air of dissatisfaction, as if saying "I wouldn't want to be in a Seminary". "Are you very religious?" he asked in Spanish. "Yes" I replied, "matter of fact I'm a seminarian myself". He opened his eyes, his head nodding a few times., "What about the sexual abuse scandals?" he asked. "I don't understand the question" I responded. "It doesn't concern you?". "Well, yes it does, I think it's terrible what those priests did". "What I mean with 'it doesn't concern you' is that you are not there for that reason, it has nothing to do with you" he clarified. "Yes, of course, I'm not there for that reason". "You know, I'm an atheist". "Oh really?" I responded. The Atheist looked very surprised at this and said "You are the first person who reacts this way, interesting". "What do you mean?" I asked smiling. "Usually people call me names and stuff when I say this".

Our bus arrived. He started telling me a bit about his life. How he had tried out some churches, was taught to be a Christian but eventually fell off the wagon. About his kid and her mother, and how she pleaded for him to be at his son's baptism. "I told her that I don't have to be there, it doesn't mean anything f to me". An old friend got on the bus, one that I haven't seen for years. We talked for a bit, but then went back to the Atheist. He then started questioning me about my vocation (or rather my present discernment of this vocation, which I may or may not have). "Obviously, since I am an atheist, I don't believe in the love of God, but one must be much in love with God to be a priest" "Yes" I responded. "Is it love for God the reason you're pursuing this?" "Yes" I responded, knowing that my love for God is not as strong as it should be, or as I want it to be. "Did you have a romantic disappointment?". "No, well, I did have a disappointing relationship with my ex, but I spent 2 years alone discerning whether I want this or not, its not because of that that I'm here". "I'm asking this because too many go into seminary because of these sorts of disillusionments"." I know" I said, and added, "I think that's a terrible mistake" Being on the topic of love, I remarked that I didn't know how people called him names and mistreated him for being an atheist. He said that sometimes people thought he was incapable of loving. "But I am loyal, I know about love, and have morals" he asserted. "Obviously" I said, "as a believer of God I believe that he is the source of love, and you are not outside of this love. I dunno why people think you are incapable of love, why they treat you like an almost inhuman just because you are an atheist". "Yes, inhuman, some think I am like that". After that he received a call, "I'm on my way on the bus" he told the other person on the phone. Our conversation ended and he continued talking on the phone.

I honestly don't know if the Atheist was being truthful or not. Was he playing the victim? But the scenario that he painted was not very unrealistic. I have seen it unfold a few times in my life. We don't have many atheists in Latin America, and is always surprising to find one. I do think that this conversation, though, can be a warning to how Unchristian we can be. Jesus calls us to be loving. I'm not preaching tolerance and being accepting of everything, but simply accepting and loving of others. So many times do we fail to love the sinner and hate the sin. We fail to see that atheists are atheists for a reason. Some have emotional scarring, others intellectual reasons. Some, sadly, are atheists because the behavior of Christians too often doesn't reflect the love of Christ. We can be hypocrites, condemning "holier than thou" Christians, failing to see that we are here by His grace. We are Christians because we are sinners. We fall. We commit the very sins we denounce in others. We fail to love as Christ loves all of us. No human creation of God is incapable of loving, whether he or she believes in God or not. But we Christians can fail in loving others when we don't reflect Christ in our lives, but rather our own darkness disguised as light. Jesus came not to condemn the world, but to save it. May we do the same as His disciple.

Week 7 of my weight loss challenge- The joy of walking.

This was a good week. I finally have my Spring Break from school and now I have more time to exercise and relax. Yes, I find it amazing that I can now say in one sentence the words "exercise" and "relax". But I find exercise relaxing. I will go one step further, I fell in love with walking. I used to hate walking, now I love it. It is amazing how your mind expands while you are walking. You pay attention to little details you normally ignore if you are driving. If you are walking in the city you appreciate the city even more. You find new things, new paths, new parks that you didn't know existed.

This was my experience this week, where I found one of the most beautiful park in San Francisco. San Francisco is for me, the perfect city to walk through. Last Thursday, coming back from College in the bus, I could see a park one block away from Masonic, on Haight street. I never explored that part of the infamous hippie street. But I decided to explore the park in my next walk. I thought I would find a small, uninteresting park, but instead I found this huge hill, with all sorts of beautiful trees and flowers. Just perfect for hiking. And so I did, not knowing what to find. Midway through the hill, I stopped to catch my breath and I was greeted by this beautiful view:

After a few minutes of resting, I decided to continue my hike. Turns out I was just in the middle of the hill, and I had much to hike. The park was beautiful. Imposing and leafy trees casting a relaxing shadow on my path, the sun's ray carefully squeezing in between the leafs, leaving bright spots on the ground. Pushing myself harder I finally arrived to the top. where I found a small open grass area. Someone was sleeping face up on the ground. A couple was kissing and hugging, a lady was calling her dog to come. The view was again, beautiful, this time revealing the western part of the city, the Golden Gate bridge as my background:

I discovered the joy of walking, and now I'm looking forward to new places to explore. Yesterday I walked through UC Berkeley and Berkeley's downtown. Today maybe SF downtown. But who knows? Maybe I'll explore a city I don't know very well. The possibilities are vast, and I keep my mind open.

But enough of that. Here is this week's weigh in:

Last week weigh in: 308.

Week 7 weigh in: 307.

Total weight loss: 9 lbs.

So there it is! I was really hoping to lose to 2 pounds, but in all honesty, I'm not too worry about the scale anymore. I'm more interested in making a lifestyle change that I can pursue and enjoy for the rest of my life, instead of enduring a painful, temporary diet that will leave me powerless once I lose all the weight. I'm more interested of being healthy. Losing weight is only a secondary side effect. My goal is no longer to lose weight, but to be healthy.

Thanks for your support and see ya next time!

Before and after photos showing my (small) progress in weight loss.

It is not a big difference, but you can tell the difference. The first picture was taken in August of 2009. The other this past Saturday. If I can get a photo from 4 years ago where I was my heaviest, there will be a big difference. I will do that whenever I find that picture..

Week 6 of my weight loss challenge- A new challenge also an Android app review.

I apologize again for posting this a few days late. This Friday I had my monthly reunion with the vocation director in the community. He had a challenge for me. A challenge that involves my religious vocation and my health: When I reach 210 lbs., he will promote me as a pre-novice in the order. At first I was shocked, but later I was actually happy with the challenge. It gives me extra motivation to reach my goal. A mental image I can chase while I exercise and while I'm trying to avoid unhealthy food.

On a different note: I often heard Fr. Roderick and many others recommend the Loseit! app for the iphone/ipod touch. But I don't have an iphone! I used to have an ipod touch but I ended up selling it after the many frustrations I endured with itunes But before selling it I had already tried the Loseit! app. Right now I have an Android phone and I'm very happy with it. Looking for an Android alternative I found a pretty good app called Weight loss trainer. In this app you don't have to count your calories, but it measures up your caloric intake automatically by your weight loss (or gain) for every week or day. You do have to "record" your exercise. You can manually add exercise as in Lose it! or you can record one using GPS and a pedometer. If you are walking, for example, the app records your exercise through GPS, giving you the pace, how many miles you have walked, how many minutes you have walked, and how many calories you are burning. I love it! It's so easy to use and really encourages you to exercise. It's perfect for walking, running, riding a bike and hiking. It also has a worldwide high score, where you can compare your progress with others around the world. It shows you for example, that in the last 7 days you have walked 7 miles and also your corresponding ranking (for example I'm in position 1300 with 7.1 miles walked in the last 7 days, the no.1 position has 99.1 miles!). I personally love this feature, as it gives me a competitive push to record more miles. It only accounts for miles recorded using the GPS, and not for exercise entered manually (as in Loseit!), to avoid people putting extraordinarily figures in order to be in a high-ranking position. Here is the website for the app:http://www.worksmartlabs.com/

Enough of that. This is my weight in for week 6:

Week 5 weigh in: 309 lbs.
Week 6 weigh in: 308 lbs.
Total weight loss: 8 lbs.

I also changed my profile photo with a more recent photo. In it you can already see a bit of change from the old picture. Maybe I will post a blog with the two pictures for comparison. Thanks for your support. See ya next week!

Sometimes I fear losing my father...

Sometimes I feel like I'm not going to have my father for long. Whatever the validity behind the poignant feeling, it is one that leaves me powerless; with little to do but at the same time with a sense of obligation to do something about it. Like me, he is morbidly obese. Unlike me he has done little to change this problem. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with my weight. I still go back to my bad habits from time to time. Sometimes it feels like I move 2 steps forward one day, and the next I move one step backwards. But the truth is that I'm still moving forward. Painfully slow but forward. The truth is that ever since I was diagnosed with Diabetes a couple of years back, I had lost a total of 46 pounds.

By the time I was diagnosed with Diabetes, my Dad was diagnosed with Pre-Diabetes. Back then, he was starting to gain a lot of weight. He was also starting to fall asleep at times when he shouldn't, for example, when driving. A few months later he was diagnosed with sleep apnea, which the doctor said was reversible if he lost the weight. He changed his eating habits for a few months, lost some considerable amount of weight, and was feeling much better. But he stopped. And gained the weight back, and then some. Much more. Unfortunately, being obese for him has a far greater negative effect than what is the case for me. He falls asleep whenever he is not active. He falls asleep almost everyday while driving to work, while being at mass, while watching t.v.. It is almost impossible for him to finish a movie. It is almost impossible for him to not fall asleep unless he is standing, or worse, eating. I've seen him on his days off work sleeping all day and night, waking up just to eat, then try to watch t.v. for a while, and falling asleep after a few minutes of trying.

He promised he would change all of this for this New Year. He told me not to worry. He even crossed his heart. But we are more than 3 months into the year, and still little to no change. He continues to gain weight. He is having trouble breathing. When he is trying to tie his shoes his breathing problems becomes painfully evident, as you can hear his throat blocking the air. Normally, he breaths as if tired, as if out of breath. I feel like he might not last in this state for long. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe not. He could fall asleep while driving on the freeway, on his way of work. I have seen him do this, sometimes I had to wake him up while he was driving. I told him he shouldn't drive anymore, but he ignores my pleas. He could get a heart attack. He could develop Atherosclerosis, if he hasn't developed it yet. He is probably Diabetic by now. This afternoon, after a hearty BBQ lunch that we had with my family, we decided to watch a movie. He of course, fell asleep before the previews ended. He woke up looking for ice cream, served himself some and then proceeded to check something on the internet. He finished his ice cream, and fell sleep without finishing whatever he was doing on the internet. How much lower does he needs to go before he finally wakes up? How much longer until he finally listen? I thought all these questions, sad. "Enjoy you dad as long as you have it" said my mom, "There is nothing you can do other than pray to God for him to open his eyes". "Yes I know" I responded. I know because I also didn't want to listen when I was weighing 355 pounds. I didn't want to listen until I decided to listen and make the changes that I'm still struggling to master. What should I do? I honestly don't know what to do, other than watching him slowly deteriorate until, God forbids, he dies pre-maturely.

Week 5 of my weight loss challenge.

This was another busy week. But I cannot continue on with this excuse anymore. It is true that I have been busy, but it's also true that it was possible for me to find a time to exercise more. As the old saying goes, when there is a will, there is a way. It's not that I didn't exercise for this week , but I didn't exercise enough.

So here is the results for Week 5:

Week 4 weigh in: 309.
Week 5 weigh in: 309.

My exact weigh in this morning was 308.8 lbs. Rounding up the number it gives me 309. If I lost weight this week, it was probably minimum. Needless to say I am disappointed. If I have to look this from a positive angle, I could say that at least I didn't gain any weight, but that's simply not good enough if you weight 309 lbs. Of course I won't give up and continue my challenge. I had made important changes in my life that I hope will be beneficial in the long run. Thanks for the support and comments, and see ya next week!

Week 4 of my weight loss challenge.

It's been a busy week. I had my time clogged with midterms and papers for my college. Exercising has been a little difficult, but doable. Stress is mounting, but I'm finally seeing a relief starting with this week. I apologize for not posting my weight loss on Thursday. But I did weight myself this past Thursday, and after getting back from a visit to my parents, I think it's about time for me to post this.

Week 3 weigh in: 310.

Week 4 weigh in: 309.

Pounds lost this week: 1.

Total pounds lost: 7.

So yeah, I was mildly disappointed with this result, but at the same time I was glad I lost a pound, since I didn't have much time to exercise as much as I would like to. On a more positive note: this past weekend I visited my old parish church, and I saw many of my friends who I haven't seen for 3 months. They had very positive comments on how I looked. They said I looked more thin, and much more healthy. The parish pastor even joked about it, saying, "they aren't feeding you well in San Francisco". See ya all soon for week 5! Thanks for the support!